Ignoramus Tales: Poking Fun At Naiveté…Err…Stupidity

Big Mall Day.

A mall just opened in a remote municipality. Everyone was so excited to finally get to experience the fun of mall hopping. The entire community supported the grand opening by taking the time to check out the new mall.

Dilemma: At mall closing time, chaos erupted. Everyone who went inside the mall was looking for his/her flip-flops that he/she carefully left behind by the mall entrance when he/she entered the mall.

Lesson: Go to the mall barefoot. You can breeze in and out in your bare toes.

The Key Word.

A guy, who never went to the city before, decided to finally experience a feel of the city life by seeing tall buildings, watching a movie and dining out. It was lunch time when the guy decided to take a meal break in one of the food chains available inside a shopping center.

Dilemma: It was his first time to see the foot-pedaled water dispenser. He was getting thirsty but he didn't know how the machine works. He was watching closely as everyone paced his way to the water dispenser and bent over slowly as the water poured out from the spout. Somehow, he had a hard time figuring it out so he said to himself that maybe there is some secret word that you say to make the water come out. Slowly he went to the dispenser, bent over and whispered, "Excuse me" basing on the way other people kind of bend over in a slow apologetic fashion. Nothing happened. He said, "Excuse me" again. Still nothing happened. There was a long line of people waiting to drink behind him, then all of a sudden chaos ensued and he was pushed off by somebody and accidentally but unknowingly stepped on the foot pedal while hearing the word, "Sorry" from behind him. Water came out of the spout and what a glorious realization.

Lesson: The key word to the water fountain was, "Sorry" not "Excuse Me". Try again!

How did it know?

A very poor guy, who was so technologically deprived, won the lottery so he decided to buy all the latest technological innovations like HD TV, Wii, computer, refrigerator and a mobile phone. The mobile phone was his favorite because he feels like he had this magical power because somebody can call him everywhere he goes, even when he goes freeballing on top of a tree. Then he decided to call a friend.

Dilemma: He went to his wife with an astonished look on his face and said, "My goodness, this thing really has a special power. It even knows that I just won the lottery. Here listen," while handing the phone to his wife. "It is saying, 'The subscriber cannot be RICH'. And the wife agrees, "Yeah, that's strange!"

Lesson: If you win the lottery, don't buy a cell phone. Get a tutor that can tell you the difference between REACHED and RICH. And maybe some hearing aids, too. Sorry all circuits are busy now. Please try your call later.

Table Etiquette.

T he same guy who won the lottery decided to live the good life. On his wedding anniversary he took his wife and a bunch of family and friends for a dinner in a fancy restaurant. Everyone enjoyed his dinner, while the lottery guy was keenly observing all the guests around the table so he can proceed without embarrassing himself. He wanted to at least be able to show some class. After all, he should know how to handle his higher monetary status. The dinner gladly ended with him being able to use every table accoutrements properly by just imitating the invited guests' every move.


Dilemma: After dinner, all the guests took their toothpick and were playfully picking on their teeth to get rid of any morsel of food caught in between. The sad part was whoever used the toothpick had to cover his mouth as some sort of good table etiquette. The lottery guy attempted to do the same. As soon as he dropped his table napkin, his nose was bleeding.

Lesson: If you don't know what a toothpick is for, use dental floss instead. In that way, even if you push it up your nostrils, while covering your face with a napkin, you won't get a nosebleed, guaranteed. But hopeless stupidity, you will. Who among you here ordered and ate the ambience? The waiter just told me why the bill is too much. He said I paid for the ambience too. How did it taste like? Anyone?

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